HUM – TUM REVISITED

I was sitting in my office after a three day bash in Chennai, one of the most memorable weekend I ‘ve ever had (Am shelving it for the nonce, as I don’t want to chase people, with my personal experiences, who are already here) . Going to office after this weekend was one of the toughest compromises I had to do. I hardly got up at eight and pulled myself to the shower. I was still hoping something would happen and all the companies will be shut down for a day (at that point I couldn’t care about the compensatory working day) All I wanted was to stick on for another lazy day and ponder over the weekend and relive it again in my dreams (well yeah you got it right! I wanted to catch some sleep very badly…)… But in vain.. I had a quick breakfast (read banana) and rushed to office just to find my inbox pouring with irrelevant issues and tasks for the day. Memories took a back seat and I was back to work. What a blessed day it was! My lead was on leave and I had some time to spare, in contrast to the hectic schedule I had brought over myself in past few days. I started going through the mails I had once received and the ones that I had forwarded when I was a fresher. A time when I was hell-bent and full of enthusiasm to learn new things, to grow up in the career ladder, to make an impression, to readily take up responsibilities and all that you can think of that a very sincere and chirpy person would probably do. Well only one appraisal was needed for the scales to fall off from my eyes, to see the corporate world as it was… Anyways coming to the point I started reading the good ol’ mails and this particular mail which I had hardly skimmed through got my attention…

I just loved it…

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University
of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh,shall
I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F—KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A hole.

(Gary)

B_t_h

(Rebecca)

F__K U - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea – wh_r_.

(TEACHER)

*A+ - I really liked this one.*

Lolz.. Whatever said I can’t tolerate emotional men… I go Ewwww…. When I see them.. But not insensitive ones too.. But men who can be practical and witty are definitely my catch ;-)

P.S. Pardon some inappropriate words in the mail. I decided to keep it uncensored to preserve the originality and the feel.